Rancid Emotions

Chunks of water from my essence slips

Setting my heartbeat into rewind.

With a heart heavy, my eyes spits

Rancid emotions, my teeth I grind. ─ Alozor Michael Ikechukwu

Sometimes experiencing a particular emotional state over and over again seems to produce a rancid emotion. The word rancid is from the Latin rancidus ‘stinking.’ As an example just think of butter that is rancid. It is old and stale.  If you happen to get a taste on your tongue it leaves a stinking taste in your nose and mouth. It sure does not have the clean, clear, and freshly made delicious butter quality. Rancid emotions are unpleasant and rank as they are decomposing in a person. Because of these emotions sometimes a person will make a “stink.”

At times, clients have indicated that they feel rankled by a festering emotion and a persistent irritation or resentment that has embittered their life. They want to be free of the gall that needles them daily.

Such strong lingering emotions such as sorrow, hate, fear, anger can sour people over time. I’ve chosen the following nursery rhyme, 3 Little Kittens, to convey a feeling essence.

This Mother Goose Nursery Rhyme talks about crying in the form of meeowing as the kittens experience frustration, sadness, badness, naughtiness, anger, regret, loss, and sorrow and finally finding a just reward of approval.

3 Little Kittens

Three little kittens they lost their mittens, and they began to cry,”Oh mother dear, we sadly fear that we have lost our mittens.” “What! Lost your mittens, you naughty kittens! Then you shall have no pie.” “Meeow, meeow, meeow, now we shall have no pie.” The three little kittens they found their mittens, And they began to cry, “Oh mother dear, see here, see here For we have found our mittens.” “Put on your mittens, you silly kittens And you shall have some pie” “Meeow, meeow, meeow, Now let us have some pie.” The three little kittens put on their mittens And soon ate up the pie, “Oh mother dear, we greatly fear That we have soiled our mittens.” “What! Soiled your mittens, you naughty kittens!” Then they began to cry, “Meeow, meeow, meeow” Then they began to sigh. The three little kittens they washed their mittens And hung them out to dry, “Oh mother dear, do you not hear That we have washed our mittens.” “What! Washed your mittens, you are good kittens.” But I smell a rat close by, “Meeow, meeow, meeow” we smell a rat close by…

Interpretation

A therapeutic resolution to rancid emotional states is about being heard and listened to. It is possible that the crying as a mee ow is really an expression that means me or my own hurt that is an ouchy or owie inside of oneself. Often the feeling of loss of a protective caring causes the kittens to meeow. Cats and kittens can represent young or mature independent instinctual possibilities within a person. A person’s own instinctual nature and nurturing self-care helps one to find relief as the person seeks to understand the emotional state that they were captured by. Food is often associated with taking in comfort and love. The pie that the mother cat made might be a symbol of feeding you love and self acceptance. The kittens start to take care of themselves when they take off their mittens and wash them thereby cleaning things up. They ask their mother cat to hear that. Then she calls them good and gives them the approval and validation that they need. This might be approving in a mature way of one’s self. At the end the mother cat smells a rat and the kittens may sense that they have to go out into the daily rat race of life. There is the need to take care of their own feelings now as they struggle with their encounters with the ratty things in life.

“To awaken to the living dream within one’s life and remain awake involves repeated struggle, yet also presents something truly worth fighting for. Each individual soul has its share of genius and a core of imagination that can transcend the collective anxiety and the chaos in the world.”  ─ Michael Meade

Angling, Tall Tales, and Trickery

 O, Sir, doubt not but that Angling is an art; is it not an art to deceive a Trout with an Fly? —Izaak Walton, The Compleat Angler (1653)

Some of my clients have said that they are victimized by seemingly underhanded ways and means by those they thought were trustworthy. They want to know more about how to handle this dynamic in their life. These clients tell me that they like to give “the benefit of the doubt” to those they are distrusting. At the same time wanting the ability to know, recognize, and distinguish any lying, trickery, and deception. When I hear this kind of statement I know the client does not trust their own knowingness as real guidance.

It takes a thoughtful discernment and discrimination in order not to be hoodwinked. The nature of a deceiver is to deceive. He or she uses falsehoods, underhanded means, and deliberate hiding with a camouflage over the truth to deliberately cause people to be unable to detect their misrepresentation.

When you are in doubt about what someone is saying or doing this is a sign to look further into what is going on. Doubt is a feeling that spontaneously appears to let you know something is not quite right. Here are some words that can be associated with that doubtful feeling. They are: deceive, lie, betray, mislead, bamboozle, outwit, double-cross, and cheat to name just a few.

You can always ask yourself the following questions when in doubt. The questions are; who, what, where, when, how, and why? What does it sound like to me? What does it feel like to me? What is going on?

Here are a few teaching tales that have deceptive angles in them. While reading the following short fables just notice the affect that comes over you.

The following is a modern day version of deception that was first told by Ann Landers in her newspaper advice column. This tale is categorized as classic American folklore. It is a modern day wisdom morality tale about meeting people that are prone to employing deceptive practices in relationships with others.

Snake Is Always a Snake

Watch out for snakes in the grass

A young girl was trudging along a mountain path, trying to reach her grandmother’s house. It was bitter cold, and the wind cut like a knife. When she was within sight of her destination, she heard a rustle at her feet.

Looking down, she saw a snake, which spoke to her. He said, “I am about to die. It is too cold for me up here, and I am freezing. There is no food in these mountains, and I am starving. Please put me under your coat and take me with you.”

“No,” replied the girl. “I know your kind. You are a rattlesnake. If I pick you up, you will bite me, and your bite is poisonous.”

“No, no,” said the snake. “If you help me, you will be my friend. I will treat you differently.”

The little girl sat down on a rock for a moment to rest and think things over. She looked at the markings on the snake and had to admit that it was the most beautiful snake she had ever seen.

Suddenly, she said, “I believe you. I will save you. All living things deserve to be treated with kindness.”

The little girl reached over, put the snake gently under her coat and proceeded toward her grandmother’s house. In a moment, she felt a sharp pain in her side. The snake had bitten her.

“How could you do this to me?” she cried. “You promised that you would not bite me, and I trusted you!” “You knew what I was when you picked me up,” hissed the snake as he slithered away. ─ Ann Landers

The Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

Many times appearances are deceptive.

 A Wolf found great difficulty in getting at the sheep owing to the vigilance of the shepherd and his dogs. But one day it found the skin of a sheep that had been flayed and thrown aside, so it put it on over its own pelt and strolled down among the sheep.

The Lamb that belonged to the sheep whose skin the Wolf was wearing began to follow the Wolf in the Sheep’s clothing. So, leading the Lamb a little apart, he soon made a meal off her – and for some time he succeeded in deceiving the sheep, and enjoying hearty meals. ─Aesop

The Boy Who Cried Wolf

There is no believing a liar, even when he speaks the truth.

A shepherd-boy, who watched a flock of sheep near a village, brought out the villagers three or four times by crying out, “Wolf! Wolf!” and when his neighbors came to help him, laughed at them for their pains.

The Wolf, however, did truly come at last. The Shepherd-boy, now really alarmed, shouted in an agony of terror: “Pray, do come and help me; the Wolf is killing the sheep”; but no one paid any heed to his cries, nor rendered any assistance. The Wolf, having no cause of fear, at his leisure lacerated or destroyed the whole flock.

Little Red Riding Hood ─ Brothers Grimm

All kinds of trickery and deception in this story

Once upon a time there was a dear little girl who was loved by everyone who looked at her, but most of all by her grandmother, and there was nothing that she would not have given to the child. Once she gave her a little riding hood of red velvet, which suited her so well that she would never wear anything else; so she was always called ‘Little Red Riding Hood.’

One day her mother said to her: ‘Come, Little Red Riding Hood, here is a piece of cake and a bottle of wine; take them to your grandmother, she is ill and weak, and they will do her good. Set out before it gets hot, and when you are going, walk nicely and quietly and do not run off the path, or you may fall and break the bottle, and then your grandmother will get nothing; and when you go into her room, don’t forget to say, “Good morning”, and don’t peep into every corner before you do it.’

‘I will take great care,’ said Little Red Riding Hood to her mother, and gave her hand on it.

The grandmother lived out in the wood, half a league from the village, and just as Little Red Riding Hood entered the wood, a wolf met her. Red Riding Hood did not know what a wicked creature he was, and was not at all afraid of him.

‘Good day, Little Red Riding Hood,’ said he.

‘Thank you kindly, wolf.’

‘Whither away so early, Little Red Riding Hood?’

‘To my grandmother’s.’

‘What have you got in your apron?’

‘Cake and wine; yesterday was baking-day, so poor sick grandmother is to have something good, to make her stronger.’

‘Where does your grandmother live, Little Red Riding Hood?’

‘A good quarter of a league farther on in the wood; her house stands under the three large oak-trees, the nut-trees are just below; you surely must know it,’ replied Little Red Riding Hood.

The wolf thought to himself: ‘What a tender young creature! What a nice plump mouthful – she will be better to eat than the old woman. I must act craftily, so as to catch both.’ …to continue the tale click this link

http://www.eastoftheweb.com/cgi-bin/version_printable.pl?story_id=LittRed.shtml

A Children’s Tale

‘When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced.  Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice.” ─ Native American Proverb

During times of grief, loss and sadness people and children often wish they could talk to their departed loved one in the hereafter. Death is a separation between two, you and the loved one or perhaps heaven and earth. People naturally look for a sign, signal or a message from the person who has passed. Recently a client told me about the following children’s story that can be used during a time of sorrow explaining the inability to communicate with a departed loved one. I thought that the story is appropriate for adults as well during a time of sorrow.

 

Waterbugs and Dragonflies

Down below the surface of a quiet pond lived a little colony of water bugs. They were a happy colony, living far away from the sun. For many months they were very busy, scurrying over the soft mud on the bottom of the pond. They did notice that every once in awhile one of their colony seemed to lose interest in going about. Clinging to the stem of a pond lily it gradually moved out of sight and was seen no more.

“Look!” said one of the water bugs to another. “One of our colony is climbing up the lily stalk. Where do you think she is going?” Up, up, up it slowly went….Even as they watched, the water bug disappeared from sight. Its friends waited and waited but it didn’t return…

“That’s funny!” said one water bug to another. “Wasn’t she happy here?” asked a second… “Where do you suppose she went?” wondered a third.

No one had an answer. They were greatly puzzled. Finally one of the water bugs, a leader in the colony, gathered its friends together. “I have an idea”. The next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk must promise to come back and tell us where he or she went and why.”

“We promise”, they said solemnly.

One spring day, not long after, the very water bug who had suggested the plan found himself climbing up the lily stalk. Up, up, up, he went. Before he knew what was happening, he had broke through the surface of the water and fallen onto the broad, green lily pad above.

When he awoke, he looked about with surprise. He couldn’t believe what he saw. A startling change had come to his old body. His movement revealed four silver wings and a long tail. Even as he struggled, he felt an impulse to move his wings…The warmth of the sun soon dried the moisture from the new body. He moved his wings again and suddenly found himself up above the water. He had become a dragonfly!!

Swooping and dipping in great curves, he flew through the air. He felt exhilarated in the new atmosphere. By and by the new dragonfly lighted happily on a lily pad to rest. Then it was that he chanced to look below to the bottom of the pond. Why, he was right above his old friends, the water bugs! There they were scurrying around, just as he had been doing some time before.

The dragonfly remembered the promise: “The next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk will come back and tell where he or she went and why.” Without thinking, the dragonfly darted down. Suddenly he hit the surface of the water and bounced away. Now that he was a dragonfly, he could no longer go into the water…

“I can’t return!” he said in dismay. “At least, I tried. But I can’t keep my promise. Even if I could go back, not one of the water bugs would know me in my new body. I guess I’ll just have to wait until they become dragonflies too. Then they’ll understand what has happened to me, and where I went.”

And the dragonfly winged off happily into its wonderful new world of sun and air…….

From: “Waterbugs and Dragonflies : Explaining Death to Young Children” by Doris Stickney

On Your Mark, Get Set – Pace

“An early-morning walk is a blessing for the whole day.” ─ Henry David Thoreau

On occasion, a client will talk about wanting to hurry up, get there, be done, arrive, and find it. I ask, “What is “it?”  The response might be something, like “I don’t know but whatever it is I want to know.” They also talk about being late, feel behind or afraid that they might miss the boat. Sometimes a client has said, “Just tell me, and I will do it.” I reply, “I have no idea what it is but let’s see if we can discover what it is that you want or are looking for.

There seems to be in some people an inexplicable impulse, urge, or drive to rush as if they want to help push the river along. Their intention can be about discovering their own life path, purpose, mission or niche in the world. They feel like they want to get from A to Z automatically. Sometimes I answer with, “Let’s just take a first step and start to go from A to B.” After I say that the client usually takes a breath, sighs, and noticeably relaxes.

Pace

“Me thinks that the moment my legs begin to move, my thoughts begin to flow.” -Thoreau

According to the dictionary, the pace is the speed or rate at which somebody moves. It can be the distance covered by a single step or stride. Some people have an uneven pace and seem to take two steps forward and one step backward. This dynamic helps a person to evaluate his or her life’s progress. As they walk back and forth or pace, there is an experience of a nervous restlessness with a feeling of being held back as they worry.

This anxious feeling that propels people forward unconsciously to an unknown destination is sung in a song by Alabama. Here are some of the lyrics from Alabama’s song “I’m in a Hurry (And Don’t Know Why)

I hear a voice

That say’s I’m running behind

I better pick up my pace

It’s a race

And there ain’t no room

For someone in second place.

Can’t be late

I leave plenty of time

Shaking hands with the clock

I can’t stop

I’m on a roll and I’m ready to rock.

I’m in a hurry to get things done

Oh I rush and rush until life’s no fun

All I really gotta do is live and die

But I’m in a hurry and don’t know why.

Slow Down – Speed Trap

“I am old and move slowly” ─ Socrates

Metaphorically, some people get speeding tickets over and over again as if some higher law was giving out a message. The etymology of the word pace is from the Latin word pax (peace) as in pace tua (with your peace). Perhaps taking a stroll through life, sauntering around as one does a walk about, might bring the experience of peace of mind and the enjoyment of life.

“Thoughts come clearly while one walks.” ─ Thomas Mann

© Ozimkiewicz

Hedgehogs and Foxes

“The fox knows many things, but the hedgehog knows one big thing.”  Archilochus

I have noticed that some of my clients are locked into only one thing, or way of being and thinking. Then there are other clients who have so many options that it is difficult to focus on one choice. For some people it easier said than done while for others, it seems complicated and tricky to find their way. Some people are more adaptable by making a concerted effort to find new solutions. Animals can often depict instinctual qualities that can be incorporated by people as they make their way in the world. The Hedgehog and Fox are two archetypal patterns.

Isaiah Berlin’s conclusion to War and Peace and his essay on Tolstoy was based on the Greek poet Archilochus’ fragment “The fox knows many things, but the hedgehog knows one big thing.”  This quote can have varying meanings. Berlin used it to point out historical and political differences in thinking. I would like to use this quote by applying it to psychological and instinctual differences between people individually or in their personal relationships. Often times these are active opposites in a relationship dynamic.

Hedgehog

“In the last analysis, most of our difficulties come from losing contact with our instincts, the age-old forgotten wisdom stored up in us.” ─ C.G. Jung

The hedgehog is singular in it viewpoint and vision. An example of Hedgehog type personalities according to Berlin was Dante and Plato. As an animal, the hedgehog has dense, erectile spines along its back. It is not a porcupine. It is an old world mammal that rolls into a tight ball for protection. It has a particular tactic of locking itself up for self-protection. In a person, this quality is displayed by being procedure oriented in the use of their tactics to feel secure and safe. Often things are just plain, black and white. The thinking is linear in nature. There is an established or official way to do something. Sometimes a series of actions is conducted in a certain order almost like a ritual. This person knows only a single truth.

Fox

“A wise fox will never rob his neighbor’s roost.” ─ English proverb

The fox’s viewpoint is that the world is complicated and complex. It does not have a single, standard but is extremely changeable and adaptable with its tactics. Some of the qualities used by a fox are craftiness, cunning, and cleverness. The fox can symbolize the trickster. Berlin depicted Shakespeare, Aristotle, and Tolstoy as Foxes. Fox like people uses options. An option is something that is chosen. It is made up of varying courses of action. It may consist of an alternative recourse to a set pattern.

The fox displays and depicts how they use these opposite viewpoints. They can be independent or be in a group. The fox is busy and inventive or a predator and destructive. It can be bold or cowardly. At other times, it can have a tricky alertness or carelessness. The fox shows and demonstrates inherent characteristics or contradictions that are often seen in human nature.

Solution

The solution may lie in deciding to become more adaptable and flexible with a thought, idea, or even in a conversation within a relationship. Shifting your focus and thinking about a problem might include understanding what the other person wants and needs. Can you explain your wants and needs in a coherent way to be understood as well? Is a compromise possible through giving and sharing to reach a consensus and end a stalemate by shifting rigid points of view? Conversely, consider consolidating and integrating many varying ideas into one cohesive choice.

Can you turn something sour, like lemons into lemonade, in your life?

Understanding Lemons

lemons don’t let you admire yourself too much they stick from their tree like awkward thoughts demanding a truth be told even if the tongue would prefer a far more sickly explanation lemons are perfect though for the need to jump straight out of bed on the eagerest of mornings into the task that must have no nonsense about it they have no truck with laziness or the idle hope they can be easily misunderstood – their sourness their association in sayings with the poorest of the lot their way of squirting you in the eye when being cut they don’t have much emollience in their nature you can’t get that close to lemons – they stand firm in their separate place asking to be respected – then they will give what they’ve got like waxed nurses offer you their own prim recipes for a healthy life

─ Rg Gregory

© Ozimkiewicz

You talkin’ to me?

“There are, it seems, two muses: The muse of inspiration, who gives us inarticulate visions and desires, and the muse of realization, who returns again and again to say “It is yet more difficult than you thought.” ─Wendell Berry

Deflection

The word deflect comes from the Latin deflectere, de means ‘away from’ and flectere means ‘to bend.’ Some of my clients will get sidetracked and divert attention from themselves in a session. Even though a client comes in to figure out and resolve within themselves a specific disturbed emotion, symptom or strong feeling that has captured their mind. The client will often deflect by distracting the attention that is being paid to them and their issue because it feels too scary to come close to it or address it. They will find a way to turn aside a painful situation or memory in order to protect themselves. This is sometimes done by going off on a tangent, changing the subject, telling a funny thing or joke, or enter endless talking. These are defenses that are used to separate themselves from past events or current ones.

Defense

The definition of a defense mechanism is the way that a person will find the means to turn aside or distance him or herself from an actual or real awareness of a disturbing behavior, or repetitive thoughts. The client may block themselves from integrating and feeling their own true experience. He or she may abruptly shift the focus to another person or idea. A third party will be interjected into the issue as a buffer to protect their feelings. Sometimes in defense, the client will unexpectedly not hear or misunderstand what was just said.

Retroflection (hold back)

Some people will not express any urge to speak, show or express a behavior, feeling, movement or an emotion to others. They are withholding their life force and energetic flow. The suppressed dynamic flow of self-expression can lead to an internalization that produces symptoms in the body. Some of these might be aches and pains, a disease, depression, anxiety, addictions and even self-harm. The next time you become aware of deflecting, withdrawing or holding back your own expression see if you can catch yourself and start to change the behavior.

Deflection, defense mechanisms, and hold backs are usually adopted and learned in childhood to self protect from the feeling of being in trouble with someone else. The behaviors may have worked as a child. In adulthood, a person can learn to use more appropriate coping skills.

In the poem Self Communion, Anne Bronte describes this feeling of distancing oneself from an issue in order to have peace.

The mist is resting on the hill;

The smoke is hanging in the air;

The very clouds are standing still:

A breathless calm broods everywhere.

Thou pilgrim through this vale of tears,

Thou, too, a little moment cease

Thy anxious toil and fluttering fears,

And rest thee, for a while, in peace.

Of course, any issue needs to be handled delicately and in a gradual way with baby steps. Then the client will begin to digest a strong feeling into a bite-size chewable piece. This is done slowly in a session to integrate, absorb, assimilate, find meaning, and to heal their painful feelings.

Men seek for vocabularies that are reflections of reality. To this end, they must develop vocabularies that are selections of reality. And any selection of reality must, in certain circumstances, function as a deflection of reality.” ─Kenneth Burke

© Ozimkiewicz

Life Is But A Dream

Some of my clients have expressed to me that their day in and day out lives seem like the title of the book Chop Wood Carry Water. They feel like they are just slowly rowing along as life happens.

 Row, row, row your boat,

Gently down the stream.

Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,

Life is but a dream.

This nursery rhyme has been said or sung since 1852. The author is unknown. The verse was usually sung by children is a sing-song rhythm. This rhyme can be sung in different forms such as in rounds or by rotating and alternating the starting lines to make a moving wave effect.

Life’s difficulties are described in the verse symbolically and metaphorically in simple words. The row boat is an image of the container that carries you or a group through life. The boat is steered by repetitive, monotonous, rhythmically accomplished, and skilled rowing practice day in and day out. The oars have to be locked in place in their holders to synchronize the rower’s pushing and pulling movement to propel and thrust the boat forward, backward, to turn around or make various maneuvers. Down the stream might suggest the path and directional movement of your life. Time has been considered to be a stream. How people use their allotted amount of life time contains restrictions and constraints. These can be certain limitations, boundaries, and borders around the framework of their work or living environment. The banks of the stream hint or imply that there are free will choices to be made within the narrow confines presented to the rower as the boat moves along downstream. All the merrilys are a tip-off to moving happily through life within set circumstances. Life is but a dream, the last line, gives hints to the inspired imaginative aspects and creative fashion in which life is dreamed up and experienced in the physical world. Perhaps, everyone is rowing to get to the shore.

Row the Boat Ashore

During the Civil War the negro spiritual song Michael Road the Boart Ashore, Hallelujah was sung by the slaves. The abolitionist, Charles Pickard Ware wrote down the many verses for posterity in 1863. This metaphorical song was about freedom, deliverance, and salvation from oppression. The desire to get to the shoreline suggests a symbolic edge or borderline, before getting to the Promised Land. It is a song sung with the hope of release from all the endured harshness in life when the boat finally makes it ashore.

Row Your Boat Redone

In Through the Looking Glass, Lewis Carroll included an adaptive reworking of Row, Row, Row, Row Your Boat as the poem’s fundamental foundation:

A boat beneath a sunny sky,

Lingering onward dreamily

In an evening of July —

Children three that nestle near,

Eager eye and willing ear,

Pleased a simple tale to hear —

Long has paled that sunny sky:

Echoes fade and memories die:

Autumn frosts have slain July.

Still she haunts me, phantom wise,

 

Alice moving under skies

Never seen by waking eyes.

Children yet, the tale to hear,

Eager eye and willing ear,

Lovingly shall nestle near.

In a Wonderland they lie,

Dreaming as the days go by,

Dreaming as the summers die:

Ever drifting down the stream —

Lingering in the golden gleam —

Life, what is it but a dream?

It is interesting to note that the beginning letter of each line read vertically is the name, Alice Pleasance Liddell. She was the actual Alice that inspired Carroll to write about his dream.

A dream is the experience and sequence of images, sounds, or other sensations during sleep that appear involuntarily to the mind of the dreaming sleeper. Sometimes there are mixtures of real and imaginary characters, places, and events. A day dream can be defined as a series of images, usually pleasant ones that pass through the daydreamers’ mind while awake. It is a vague trance-like state that lets the mind dwell on delightful scenes and images when alert and conscious, often resulting in inattention. A daydreamer is preoccupied with imaginal thoughts or fantasies that can become new contributions and works presented to the world.

What do you daydream about?

What is your life’s dream?

Are you living your dream?

“Put your heart, mind, intellect and soul even to your smallest acts. This is the secret of success.” ─ Swami Sivananda

© Ozimkiewicz

And then There’s “That!”

“I exist as I am, that is enough.” ─ Walt Whitman

Some of my clients will tell me about emotional trauma, their huge life events, and they might say to me, “That’s that!” Others have said, “and then there’s that, and that’s all there is or amen to that!” These statements, “that’s that,” etc., seems to imply a finality as an acceptance of their state of affairs or a particular situational event. It rings a mental bell reminding them of the fact that some things are unalterable in life. When a client states a “that,” they are saying it cannot be changed, and I have to accept it because this is the way it is. Emily Dickinson describes this dynamic in her poem “That it will never come again.”

That it will never come again Is what makes life so sweet. Believing what we don’t believe Does not exhilarate. That if it be, it be at best An ablative estate — This instigates an appetite Precisely opposite.

When there is the thought, or if it is said out loud, “that’s that” it is a ruse or a trick upon oneself. Because that phrase takes you back to exactly the opposite of acceptance and finality. The idiom “that’s that” implies that there ‘s nothing more to say about “it.” Actually, there is more, the personal situation needs to be processed, digested, absorbed and assimilated with meaningful integration into one’s life. When a person says, “And then there’s that” they are saying that is the thing they are keeping away from their self, as if it is out there and stands alone. There are various methods that can be used in therapy to integrate a life’s emotional situation such as sand tray, expressive arts, and EMDR, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. There is a way metaphorically speaking that readily accomplishes integration by doing the hokey-Pokey.

Do the Hokey-Pokey That’s What It’s All About

This is a song and a rhythmic circle dance for everyone of all ages. Many different parts of the whole body are isolated such as a hand and shook. The song calls out for each limb to participate. The dictionary said that the word hokey-pokey was taken from the magical words hocus-pocus thereby indicating trickery. This is a song and dance that get you to integrate your entire self as you shake yourself all up. The whole self magically becomes alive and invigorated.

Psychologically, through the participation in the song and dance there’s a magical effect that is an authentic movement. According to Occam’s Razor, this notion says that when it’s applied, it points toward all things being equal, that the simplest explanation for a phenomenon is the preferred one. As you move about there is a shift into a vibration that gives an energetic vitality to your life. Once you decide to take a step into something pretty soon your whole self can get immersed in it. Here is the verse from the song and dance from Robert Chambers’ Popular Rhymes of Scotland from 1826.

You put your whole self in

You put your whole self out

You put your whole self in

and you shake it all about

 

You do the hokey-pokey

and you turn yourself around

That what it’s all about!

(The original author is unknown to me)

The heart wants what it wants, there’s no logic to this things, you meet someone and you fall in love that’s that.” ─ Unknown

 

© Ozimkiewicz

Wait and See

“Waiting is almost an actionless action: the action of inaction, the suspension of movement, the anticipation of action rather than action itself.” ─ Diane Elam, “Waiting in the Wings,” Acts of Narrative

This type of wait and see attitude may be about waiting for the door to open with an opportunity. A new prospect and a break in the status quo can create the chance to step out into a fresh phase of your life. Perhaps for a long time, there were no opportunities available to take any kind of action. The person in that situation puts off starting any new endeavors, as life seems at a standstill.

On occasion, a client has said to me, “I am tired of waiting or I don’t know why I wait, but I am still waiting.” Sometimes a person doesn’t even know what they are waiting for. It feels like they can’t just think on their feet and decide to make an adjustment or a change. They might say, “Wait a minute.” At the same time, as they wait for some type of thought or signal to get going or come into their mind, it can feel to them as if grass is growing up under their feet. Even though delay is not a denial, if “it” doesn’t happen there is only the wait. A person may wonder and ponder as they try to figure out what in the world are they waiting for.

Often there can be an expectation that something might happen. There might be the hope that another person will save, rescue, and fix your situation. Someone will just tell you what to do. This stagnant situation can produce the sensation of being locked up and captured in a personal restrictive atmosphere. This may include a feeling of hiding and not wanting to be seen. This period of time, a postponement of life, might be filled with being on the lookout for a deliverance.

The soulful song sung by Sarah Brightman – Deliver Me describes this deep longing.

Deliver me, out of my sadness

Deliver me, from all of the madness

Deliver me, courage to guide me

Deliver me, strength from inside me

All of my life I’ve been in hiding

Wishing there was someone just like you

Now that you’re here, now that I’ve found you

I know that you’re the one to pull me through

Lyrics ─ Jon Marsh/Helena Marsh

Deliverance

I was standing there, waiting for someone to do something, till I realized the person I was waiting for was myself.” ─ Markus Zusak, Underdog

The etymology for the word wait (v.)c. 1200, gives many hints as to the solution. It means “to watch with hostile intent, lie in wait for, plot against,” from Anglo-French and Old North French waitier “to watch” (Old French gaitier “defend, watch out, be on one’s guard; lie in wait for;” Modern French guetter), from Frankish *wahton or another Germanic source, from Proto-Germanic *waht- (cognates: Dutch wacht “a watching,” Old High German wahten, German wachten “to watch, to guard;” Old High German wahhon “to watch, be awake,” Old English wacian “to be awake;” General sense of “remain in some place” is from late 14c.; that of “to see to it that something occurs” is late 14c. Meaning “to stand by in attendance on” is late 14c..

Psychologically speaking waiting is a feminine, receptive energy in both men and women. The purpose and meaning of the wait is really about being with and discovering yourself. This includes cultivating the energy and inner strength to release yourself back into living your individual life. It is about being alert, awake, and aware while you watch and attend to your own life’s deliverance. Setting yourself free requires the need to be readily available for someone or something to connect with you. When the time is right the door opens onto a new awareness, possibility or idea. What will it take to stop waiting and step through the exit gate into something new?

“I hate the waiting room. Because it’s called the waiting room, there’s no chance of not waiting. It’s built, designed, and intended for waiting. Why would they take you right away when they’ve got this room all set up?” ─ Jerry Seinfeld, attributed, The Mammoth Book of Comic Quotes

© Ozimkiewicz

Truth Be Told

“Mistakes are, after all, the foundations of truth, and if a man does not know what a thing is, it is at least an increase in knowledge if he knows what it is not.” ― C. G. Jung

From time to time, some of my clients have talked about wanting to know the truth. Their question is what is their truth and how to know and use it. If they speak their truth how can they be certain it is true. Truth seems a very elusive and uncertain thing.

Some client’s have expressed a curiousness about the confusing nature of truth such as there is a grain of truth in everything versus stretching the truth and is there any truth at all. Emily Dickenson’s poem Tell all the Truth but tell it slant describes this dilemma:

Tell all the Truth but tell it slant–

Success in Circuit lies

Too bright for our infirm Delight

The Truth’s superb surprise.

Veritas was known as the goddess of truth in Roman mythology. The word Veritas means truth. According to mythology, Veritas was a daughter of Saturn and the mother of Virtue. The goddess of truth was so mysterious and obscure because she hid in the bottom of a holy well. Ancient images of Veritas pictured her as a young virgin dressed in white.

In Greek Mythology the word Aletheia (or Alathea) (ἀλήθεια) meant truth. Aletheia was the personification of truth, the spirit (daimona) of truth, truthfulness and sincerity. Her opposites were Dolos (Trickery), Apate (Deception) and the Pseudologoi (Lies).

Falsehood

“What may appear as truth to one person will often appear as untruth to another person. But that need not worry the seeker.” ─ Mohandas K. “Mahatma Ghandi

Here is a short fable that gives an impression, an image, and an idea about truth’s subtleness.

Aesop Fables 530 (from Phaedrus Appendix 5): Prometheus, that potter who gave shape to our new generation, decided one day to sculpt a statue of Truth, using all his skill so that she would be able to regulate people’s behaviour. As he was working, an unexpected summons from mighty Jupiter called him away. Prometheus left cunning Trickery in charge of his workshop (Trickery had recently become one of the god’s apprentices). Fired by ambition, Trickery used the time at his disposal to fashion with his sly fingers a figure of the same size and appearance as Truth with identical features. When he had almost completed the piece, which was truly remarkable, he ran out of clay to use for her feet. The master returned, so Trickery quickly sat down in his seat, quaking with fear. Prometheus was amazed at the similarity of the two statues and wanted it to seem as if all the credit were due to his own skill. Therefore, he put both statues in the kiln and when they had been thoroughly baked, he infused them both with life: sacred Truth walked with measured steps, while her unfinished twin stood stuck in her tracks.

That faked truth, that ploy, became the notion and idea of falsehood. Eventually, one will see that the deceptive thing has no feet and will not last the test of time. In time, truth will be told.

Even Sophocles showed what he thought about truth when he said, “What people believe prevails over the truth.” Beliefs are not necessarily truth because beliefs can be a way of life, a certain viewpoint or a held value. According to the dictionary, beliefs are an acceptance of the truth of something. It is given credence by the mind that something is true or real, often underpinned by an emotional or spiritual sense of certainty. However, as you look back upon your life and see that perhaps what you believed ten years ago may not be what you hold to be true today. Therefore, beliefs are always changing. Truth doesn’t change.

Truth

Truth has many words that describe its nature. Such as it is an indisputable fact, a certain reality, a genuine accuracy, a precise exactness, and a verifiable legitimacy to name a few. some examples of factual truths are that we are all human; we all live, and we all die. Sometimes when the truth is told it can be used when expressing a surprising or unwelcome idea. There are religious truths about God. These can appear through a numinous (presence of a spirit or god) transcendent experience.

Here are some things to thinks about:

You can only be your own truth.

You can discover your own truth through meditation and contemplation.

You can work with your own inner life activity as it comes to you through journaling, writing, and any form of expressive art.

You can become aware of what your heart feels and your head thinks about you and life.

“For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it, For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it. ─ Ivan Panin

 

© Ozimkiewicz