The Spirit of Fear

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2Timothy 1:7

Often, I work with people who are anxious, afraid, panicky and fearful about their life. Their fears are about the unknowns and the future. Consternation about fear can cause a state of confusion with an inability to decide because there is no guarantee. Some people can hardly seem to name, categorize or label their encounter with fearing their fears.

Judaism describes two ways of thinking about fear, Pachad and Yirah. Pachad, is about irrational and imaginal thinking or over reaction to worrying about the “what ifs” of life. Yirah, is about the fear of power, the sacred that might touch you or the presence of God in some way that produces an inner body shaking and trembling is felt as a reverent awe.

The Root of Anxiety.

A person might encounter anxiety through their physical response when challenged by a fear and label the sensation anxiety. Also, the experience of fear through fear-based thinking can produce anxiety. The ability to differentiate the two, fear or anxiety, can help you to process your experience.

There are many levels and types of fear. They run the gamut just like a bell curve starting with the vaguest to the most extreme panic attack that feels like it could kill them in a flash. Rational fears happen when there is a real imminent threat. Primal fear is the fear from the Amygdala that is programmed in our brain since birth. Irrational fear are the ones that are imagined and do not make reasonable or logical sense.

The word fear is the general term that is used to describe this dynamic and perhaps anxiety is a constant companion along with feeling afraid all the time. The spirit of fear can trigger a person to want to hide or contract them self as they meet an opposition, persecution, or a struggle. The spirit of fear feels like a force that comes over you and captures you in a state of anxious fear which is hard to lift and come out from under it to breathe free again.

Courage

“What is needed, rather than running away or controlling or suppressing or any other resistance, is understanding fear; that means, watch it, learn about it, come directly into contact with it. We are to learn about fear, not how to escape from it.” Krishnamurti

The opposite of fear can be different things to different people. Some of the feeling states of mind needed to counteract fear might be faith, prayer, trust, peace, calmness, or courage. The root of the word courage is cor. It is the Latin word for heart. In one of its earliest forms, the word courage had a very different definition than it does today. According to the dictionary the word courage originally meant “To speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.” Courage can be a quality of spirit inside a person that harnesses bravery, guts, and daring to face their fear and move through it instead of avoiding it. The use of courage is a spiritual quality that can be used to overcome fear such as having the courage to drive again after an accident, to be successful or even to be disliked.

When there is any type of feeling of fear a very simple exercise to meet the fear is to feel your feet on the ground, and as you breathe in say “here” and as you breathe out say “now.” This is a grounding exercise that can quickly bring you back to the present moment in the here and now with a feeling of steadfastness.

Another way to know more about a current fear is to say, “When I am scared that_________ then I am afraid that__________.

 “If we had the luxury of certainty, we wouldn’t need courage.” ─ Robert J. Furey, PH.D.

 

Is “It” Ever Beyond Repair?

“The defects of the mind are like the wounds of the body. Whatever care we take to heal them the scars ever remain, and there is always danger of their reopening.” Francoise de la Rochefoucauld 1613-1680

Ouch! That Hurts

Many of my clients have worked on their wounds, their personal emotional disturbances that have been distressing to them for years and years. Sometimes someone will say I thought that wound was all over and worked through. It has just popped up again, and I was triggered by words that I heard that were said to me. Then I had a huge emotional reaction. Often the wounds are about what the parents did or did not do to or for a child. Even if the person is grown up, a parent may say something to their adult child that can make them feel in “trouble” with the parent all over again. An example is in just the tone of voice the parent will use as they say your name out loud can do it. Sometimes the parents are blamed for their personal emotional pain. It is important to know that everyone is wounded in some way. Many clients think that they are the only ones who are suffering. The people you meet may seem happy and appear as though his or her life is going great. If you really start talking to them, you would find out that they hurt. They are wounded.

 Woundedness

Carl G. Jung and many others have said and written about the fact that everyone has a wound. Overtime it rubs and works them just as an oyster takes a grain of sand and makes it into a pearl. It is a wound that irritates and grates on their psyche and heart to become self-aware in order to integrate the problematic issue and heal. Sometimes it is a secret wound that accompanies them throughout life. They have kept it totally to themselves by locking it away metaphorically and symbolically in their chest. I have had clients come into a session and say to me, “I have a secret that I have never told to another person.” That personal secret is now starting to spill over and needs to be integrated, processed and used in a meaningful way for their personal healing. James Hillman the founder of Archetypal Psychology said, “Wounds and scars are the stuff of character.” The word ‘character’ means at root ‘marked or etched with sharp lines,’ like initiation cuts.”

Cutting Words

“The tree which moves some to tears of joy in the eyes of others only a green thing which stands in the way…As a man is, so he sees.”  ̶ William Blake

Emotional injury and hurt feelings result when a sudden verbal attack or comment, a cutting remark is taken personally. There is the feeling of having been stabbed in the heart can cut to the quick by hurtful words that can leave a person psychologically disturbed. Sometimes you carry this pain for years never forgetting the exact words that were said. Every time the words are ruminated on the inner trauma happens again.

According to Taschen’s The Book of Symbols, the Old English word for wound is wundian means a laceration or breach in the psyche. The Greek word trauma means wound, hurt, a damage of things, a heavy blow or injury.  The Latin word vulnus means wounds that are like cuts, holes, rents, cracks, that are visible and invisible showing various vulnerabilities. Since antiquity, wounding has been seen as a gateway, an opening or a window for possible transformation, change, growth, and development in your life. Jung called these wounds “lesions to the ego” (CW 16 para.472).

The injury can be caused by words that damage or ruin a person’s name or reputation. A person’s pride can be wounded by hearing the word no or being turned down in some way. It is experienced as the feeling of rejection, not worthy or good enough. There is the inner feeling of wanting to lick one’s wounds or find a self-soothing balm to gain relief. The main problem that confuses many people is that they will say something innocently or as a fact, and the other person is wounded to their core. The person talking has no idea the other person is being hurt or wounded unless that person can speak up about it. Actually, it takes courage to express yourself. It is a risk to have a conversation because you have no idea how the other person has heard or received your words.

All wounds need to be attended to, cleaned up, looked at with tender care as they are explored because as the African proverb states “the wound carries the medicine.” Otherwise, the painful wound can contaminate and infect the whole life. Some of the ways to work with emotional wounding are to journal and write about it. Depth psychotherapy is an excellent way to work with hurt feelings and come to understand more about yourself. A very simple way to let another person know that your feelings are being hurt by what they are saying is to say, “Ouch” out loud. Subsequently, the speaker can think about what was just said. Then they have a chance to clear it up, explain or clarify. Ouches, wounds and hurts can be repaired because once there is understanding; letting go and forgiveness can happen.

 “Tears are words that need to be written.” – Paulo Coelho

© Ozimkiewicz

 

Imposter

“Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance.”   ̶ Confucius

On occasion a client will tell me that he or she feels like a fraud, an imposter. The individual is concerned that this fear which is often attached to an imposter syndrome will be exposed and discovered. The person will feel anxiety all the time because at any moment there will be a disclosure revealing their true identity. The feelings of self-doubt and/or a lack of self-confidence seems to be internalized just as real capabilities and talents are not personally owned. One does not identify or be aware of their own success and accomplishment but might use words like “faking it” or “winging it.”

A person might constantly make comparisons to others as they weigh their success through self-criticism and self-judgment, fearing an imminent exposure as a failure. Thinking errors and irrational thoughts are often involved because the person cannot own their own success. When negative thoughts are ever present in their mind that are blocking rational facts that support their own ability. The following poem by P. Bodi describes this inner world experience.

Feeling out of place,

Like you don’t belong,

Like others will find out

You’ve been “faking it”

All along, but confidence is not a

Given, it is grown, keep

Building it, step by step,

Until it is your own.

The opposite of an imposter syndrome is the Dunning-Kruger Effect. This is the false belief that we know more than we do. Typically, real experts under-estimate their level of expertise; while people with low ability over-estimate it. For example, have you ever been overly optimistic when planning your day? Someone might map out every second of their day as they plan to maximize productivity, and then discover that they have overscheduled and can’t accomplish all that they had set out to do. This might be partially due to the Dunning-Kruger effect, in which one believes that they’re better at certain tasks and can accomplish them faster than is possible.

The following Aesop’s Fable describes this dynamic.

The Imposter

A certain man fell ill, and, being in a very bad way, he made a vow that he would sacrifice a hundred oxen to the gods if they would grant him a return to health. Wishing to see how he would keep his vow, they caused him to recover in a short time. Now, he hadn’t an ox in the world, so he made a hundred little oxen out of tallow and offered them up on an altar, at the same time saying, “Ye gods, I call you to witness that I have discharged my vow.” The gods determined to be even with him, so they sent him a dream, in which he was bidden to go to the sea-shore and fetch a hundred crowns which he was to find there. Hastening in great excitement to the shore, he fell in with a band of robbers, who seized him and carried him off to sell as a slave: and when they sold him a hundred crowns was the sum he fetched.

Do not promise more than you can perform.

“The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.”  ̶ Shakespeare

© Ozimkiewicz

Intuitionism and Decision-Making Style

“The power of intuitive understanding will protect you from harm until the end of your days.”  ̶ Lao Tzu

Decisions are scary and difficult especially if a person is afraid to decide something for fear of making a mistake. There isn’t a guarantee about a choice someone might make. The final outcome may not be known. Waiting and observing may not be helpful either. For many of my clients personal or individual decisions that are major or minor are hard to sort through.

Choice, Decision and a Course of Action

Usually there is a method used to pick the best direction as the way to go forward. A person recognizes that a decision has to be made. Some type of thought process ensues about the subject or issue. The person might do research, enquire of others or start a google search to gain information to have a better grasp about the nature of the subject in question.  There are many types of intuition such as medical, musical, mathematical, and artistic to name a few. Sometimes the question might become, “what are my options?” When the pros and cons are considered as one looks at all sides of the topic then a person might start to ponder their alternatives. After reflection, with a review of possible consequences, as everything has been taken into consideration and mulled over a decision is often made.

Another way to make a decision is by using one’s intuition. Intuition is the ability to know something without knowing how you know. It is an impression or a direct knowing. The word comes from the Latin intuitus, a look, from past participle of intuērī, to look at, contemplate.

Intuitionism

The American Heritage Dictionary describes intuitionism in three ways:

1 The theory that certain truths or ethical principles are known by intuition rather than reason.

2 The theory that external objects of perception are immediately known to be real by intuition.

3 the view that the subject matter of mathematics consists of the mental or symbolic construction of mathematicians rather than independent ad timeless abstractions, as is held in Platonism.

As an intuitive myself, I help my clients with the ability to distinguish and utilizing their own intuition. Many of my clients are interested in the various ways that they can recognize their own real intuition. Perhaps you will find the following helpful in understanding and listening to your personal intuitive guidance.

Your own Intuition is oftentimes very confusing. It sometimes has a feeling of rightness; it’s not always logical, or even has a voice of reason. Yet this quiet voice sounds like a whisper or a gentle breeze of a thought. It is through using your own intuition that you gain the experience to be able to know it. It’s quite easy to misinterpret intuitions, or confuse something else to be your intuition. Here are a number of ways to measure your intuition with your rational mind.

1 You still feel the rightness of what has been decided even if everybody else disagrees with it. Intuition does not use social wisdom or common sense. It will remain the same and will not let up until you follow it.

2 You still feel that the same way after sleeping on the decision. That’s why it is important to learn to sleep on important decisions. An Intuition stands a test of time. The intuition appears the clearest the first thing in the morning, before various thoughts start invading your mind.

3 You still feel that way when you are happy. When we are under duress to make a decision, often wants, needs, fears and desires can enter the thought process.

4 When you see yourself decide to take or follow that intuitive action, relief and breathing free can be felt. It is not intuition if you feel resistance and hesitation. The decision makes sense.

5 When the decision inconveniences you it may be about effectiveness. Intuition is not always about what is efficient or practical but what is right for you. Sometimes one is afraid of their intuition and the direction it is wanting you to go.

 “The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.”  ̶ Albert Einstein

Identity – Nobody

“It is clear that if a man has to become a nobody in order to survive, if he has to remain permanently invisible, he will have no identity, will never become socially integrated nor will he enjoy mental health.” −Joseba Achotegui

Sometimes my clients report to me that they are a nobody, or that they feel like a nobody. As a child, their parent would say something like, “Who do you think you are? “After me you come first,” or “you’re nobody.”  The people that have felt this way also experience many of the following symptoms:  stress, depressed mood, anxiety, fear, tension, irritability and frustration, self-deprecating thoughts, ruminations of worthlessness, body aches and pains, and a confusing fatigue. They come to depth psychotherapy to discover their own identity, who they are in the world as a complete and whole individual such that they feel they are not missing any parts and aspects of themselves.

Conversely

“You ask me my name. I shall tell you. My name is nobody and nobody is what everyone calls me (Odyssey, Song IX, 360).”

The poet Emily Dickinson describes an opposite point of view in her poem. She values her privacy. Her experience of being unrecognized, a nobody, gave her a spiritual and soulful quietude to contemplate and write. She did not want to be like a frog croaking about identity by always keeping a public profile that reminds everyone that one is a somebody. To become somebody is to know who you are in and of yourself, and your place in the world.

I’m nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there’s a pair of us—don’t tell!
They’d banish us, you know.

How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!

During this current Pandemic many people are ‘sheltering in place.” This means that one has to be within and be with him or herself. A person might need to start discovering who they are as they learn to feel at home n their own skin and be safe in their own body because there are no outside distractions to focus on except themselves. The questions that one might consider to ask of him or herself are:

Who am I now at this time?

What am I listening to inside of myself?

What do I see and envision for myself now?

Where is my life going?

When I am free again who will I be?

“Your personal boundaries protect the inner core of your identity and your right to choices.” ─Gerard Manley Hopkins

© Ozimkiewicz

Hope – Lost and Found

“The more you try to avoid suffering, the more you suffer, because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you, in proportion to your fear of being hurt. The one who does most to avoid suffering is, in the end, the one who suffers most.”  –  Thomas Merton

I have recently seen some people who have lost hope and who are seeking to find their hope again. Many people have recently been suffering their current feelings around hopelessness. The word hope is about the future. Hope is a feeling that lives in your chest and is invisible. You know when you have hope and when you have lost it. Your hope talks to you about a particular desire and an expectancy of a better possibility to come in the future. Without hope, there is pessimism about the future with a lack of any kind of anticipation to restore hopeful feeling in your life.

Emily Dickinson’s poem inspires as it describes the invisible nature of hope.

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I’ve heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

A symbolical, metaphorical, and imaginal psychological interpretation of Dickinson’s poem suggests, compares, and attaches hope, which is invisible, to a “thing.” Then this thing is compared to a bird, as if this thing hope is bird like. The bird as a symbol can represent lightness of being, soul, messenger, peace, and spiritual knowledge according to the Dictionary of Symbols. “Feathers” symbolize the freedom to alight or align oneself to something new by and with the movement of this invisible energy, hope. When the bird of hope “perches,” it has settled on and perhaps is resting on a branch as it “sings” without words. Therefore, hope always exists continuously producing a feeling, a resonance with a certain vibrational hum to it unless hope has been lost. Sometimes hope is lost or destroyed through anger, great negativity or self-sabotage, thereby, a person can abandon all hope. Hope is an energetic experience. You know when you have it, and you know when you have lost hope and actually feel hopeless.

At some time, everyone experiences metaphorically “stormy weather” where your feathery wings are deflated and there is no freedom to fly. For instance, you can recognize this emotional state when you have encountered a painful or angry feeling, and maybe suffered a stinging heartache. The glimmer of hope can begin to warm your heart. Your own warm heart is a feeling response that encourages forward movement out of tough situations into new possibilities.

The “chillest land” is a disturbing place of cold feeling, frozen in fear, with perhaps, a numbness to life. Water, “the sea” speaks about emotion and feeling; a strange feeling is seen that may be coming up to a self-consciousness from the waters of life. Yet, in the most terrorizing, menacing, and intimidating event, hope is available and doesn’t want anything except to be hope. The word yet implies thus far, up until now. However, yet is used to stress that it remains possible that something will occur in spite of the problems in the present. Hope springs eternal.

Exercise to restore hope.

Hope is free. It costs nothing, and it is available to everyone.

Sit in a quiet space and follow your breath in and out for a few minutes then allow yourself to remember a time you had hope, felt hopeful or full of hope. As you remember can you feel it at this moment in time as you call up the memory. Because the past, even though that was then and this is now, the past is contained in the present. Is there any resistance to feeling hope again and letting it live in you now? Keep remembering past times when you had hope. Each time let yourself feel it now, in the present, to enliven and restore your own hope

“I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope
For hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love,
For love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith
But the faith and the love and the hope are all in the waiting.”
  ˗ T.S. Eliot

© Ozimkiewicz

Hello as You Shelter in Place

“And the world cannot be discovered by a journey of miles, no matter how long, but only by a spiritual journey, a journey of one inch, very arduous and humbling and joyful, by which we arrive at the ground at our own feet, and learn to be at home.” ― Wendell Berry

Here’s to Your Health

Bill Bryson states in his book Mother Tongue that “hello” comes from Old English hál béo þu (“Hale be thou”, or “whole be thou”, meaning a wish for good health). Health is clearly the opposite of illness. According to Jungian analyst J. A. Sanford the word health might have come from the Saxon word hal which is also in the words hale and whole. Every time you say, “hello” to someone you are saying that you hope they are whole and healthy. Therefore, wholeness implies health.

Wholeness

“When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.” ― Rumi

Many of my clients have wondered what wholeness really means. If you are sound and whole in body, mind, and spirit, then everything is interacting and working in relation to each other. That is, all your body parts speak to each other in the same language in order to work harmoniously together. There are no rebels or renegades so to speak. A person can feel grounded, at home and safe within their own body. A simple example is that if you ever had a splinter in your foot or finger, your entire self was focused on getting that tiny little intruder out because your whole organic system was triggered. This was an experience of feeling an internal split, divided-ness or separateness from yourself because you’re experiencing the other, the splinter. Now in that splintered moment was the conscious awareness of a personal conflict. Currently the conflict is the current Pandemic that is splintering everyone.

To become right with yourself again, you have to deal with or process the splinter conflict. The splinter is an example of not being right with yourself or feeling right with the world. This includes not knowing what is true, what is happening because of all the confusion. At times, everyone can relate to when everything is not alright because things do not feel right. This simple example can be applied to anything that causes you to be wounded, impaired, or incapacitated.

Something that is whole and feels complete is something that is intact and undivided and has no parts missing. There are no fragments or outliers. Therefore, the state of health is the general condition of the body, mind, and spirit, especially in terms of the presence or absence of illnesses, injuries, or impairments. Wholeness and health allow the soundness, vitality, and proper functioning of your total personhood even in the midst of a world crisis when a person is grounded and safe within their own personhood.

Healing occurs when the troubling unconscious contents are worked with when they are brought out into the light of the day. All your issues need to be assimilated into the whole personality with nothing left out or emotionally cut off.  These are your dreams, symptoms, fantasies, and things that disturb your life’s balance and equilibrium It is a completely natural process that is necessary for the integration of the psyche to take place. Psyche, means and refers to the human spirit or soul and the human mind as the center of thought and behavior. Poetry can capture the soul and nature of what is going on in the world. The following poetic verse excerpts might speak to you.

In the nightmare of the dark
All the dogs of Europe bark,
And the living nations wait,
Each sequestered in its hate;

Intellectual disgrace
Stares from every human face,
And the seas of pity lie, locked and frozen in each eye.

With the farming of a verse
Make a vineyard of the curse,
Sing of human unsuccess
In a rapture of distress;

In the deserts of the heart
Let the healing fountain start,
In the prison of his days
Teach the free man how to praise ― W. H. Auden In Memory of W. B. Yeats

Panic or Precaution

Panic or Precaution

Fear is the cheapest room in the house, I would like t see you in better living conditions. ˗ Hafiz

A person sometimes might shiver with fear in the face of an unknown thing. The world might seem chaotic, disconnected and out of control because an invisible attacker has appeared on the scene. The invisibility of a virus can seem to look like a land mine under a microscope. A round ball with spikes that can explode at any time. Ironically it seems that toilet paper is the most needed item symbolically for some people in order to be able to clean up a mess. Panic seems to be running rampant and trampling over rational precaution like a swarm of 17-year locusts devouring everything in its path; just like a deer panicked by the headlights.

Etymologically the word panic comes from the Greek panikos, it is the name of the Greek god Pan, noted for causing terror, to whom woodland noises were attributed. Pan was considered to be a nature god who used reeds to invent the pan flute or panpipes. The word panic is not related to the word pandemic.

Panic is a strong emotion that captures a person in its grip. However, panic is also a normal human emotion. An extreme reaction to feeling panicky is a panic attack which is characterized by four or more of the following symptoms: it can have an abrupt onset that develops swiftly. It can reach a peak within 10 minutes: Palpitations, pounding heart, with an accelerated heart rate, even breaking out into a sweat with trembling or shaking. Panic is a sudden sensation of fear, which is so strong that it causes a brain lock such as to prevent rational reasoning and logical thinking. Normal responses are frozen and replaced with overwhelming feelings of anxiety, or frantic agitation consistent with a person wanting to flee with an extreme fight-or-flight reaction.

Preventative Strategies to Use When Feeling Stressed, Anxious or Panicky

 

  1. Take a time-out.Listen to music, meditate, do yoga, get a massage, or learn to relax.
  2. Eat well-balanced meals. Do not skip any meals. Use healthful, energy-boosting snacks.
  3. Limit alcohol and caffeine, which can aggravate anxiety and trigger panic attacks.
  4. Get enough sleep.When stressed, your body needs additional sleep and rest.
  5. Exercise dailyto help you feel good and maintain your health.
  6. Take deep breaths. Inhale and exhale slowly.
  7. Count to 10 slowly. Repeat.
  8. Do your best. Don’t aim for perfection, which isn’t possible, feel good about all you achieve.
  9. Accept that you cannot control everything. Put your stress in perspective.
  10. Welcome humor. A good laugh goes a long way.
  11. Maintain a positive attitude. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones.
  12. Observe what triggers your anxiety. Write in a journal when you’re feeling stressed.

 There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other as though everything is a miracle. ˗ Einstein

Sorry or Apology

Sorry or Apology

“You are not too old and it is not too late to dive into your increasing depths where life calmly gives out its own secret.” ­ Rainer Maria Rilke

Some people say words like I ‘m sorry in many situations. Sorry seems to be a generic response just like the words hi or, how are you? So, for instance, the phrase, Sorry to bother you, is an apologetic expression used to imply regret for using up someone’s time as in asking a question that the person has no answer for. Some public examples recently that were in the news include a Senator and a CEO who regretted their public candor. They were not sorry nor did they apologize. The following poem conveys this difficult feeling:

Three words, eight letters, so difficult to say.

They’re stuck inside of me; they try and stay away.

But this is too important to let them have their way.

I need to do it now; I must do it today.

I am sorry. ˗ Author Unknown

Sometimes a person might feel guilty over many things and that person is always saying, “sorry” about everything. Guilt and feeling guilty can be a remorseful awareness of a personal sense of sorry-ness. It is a critical self-judgment that one may carry for a long time. A person might feel responsible for an offense or a wrongdoing and instead of apologizing the person carries the guilt and does not rectify the issue. Often a guilty behavior could be seen in a person that is always saying, “I am sorry” seemingly about everything versus a particular issue that needs to be cleared up.

Conversely an apology can be an excuse to act in a self-protective defense by justifying a flaw or fault. The word sorry is often substituted for the word apologize like saying “I am sorry to be late” instead of an apology over being late for an appointment, such as “I apologize for my lateness because I was caught is a traffic jam.”

The problem with saying I am sorry often is that a person is telling him or herself that they are in a mental state of a felt sense of loss, sorrow, mourning, grief or disappointment which is really not true. Overtime seemingly always feeling sorry, this dynamic might cause a person to constantly feel sad, down or blue.

Consider that there are different levels or feeling aspects to an apology versus just saying “I apologize.” One attribute of apology might be feeling regret and expressing remorse by writing a note or stating it in an open court room situation to a victim. This would be owning a personal responsibility and the response-ability would include an admittance or acceptance for example, wounding or hurting someone intentionally or unintentionally. Perhaps another might be to make a restitution to make things right again with another person. By taking action to make amends would be an active apologetic compensation. A genuine reparation can include asking for forgiveness. There are many different ways to ask such as in a poetic way.

This Is Just to Say

I have eaten

the plums

that were in

the icebox

and which

you were probably

saving

for breakfast

 

Forgive me

they were delicious

so sweet

and so cold ˗ William Carlos Williams

Thisldo or Thatldo

“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” ─ A. A. Milne

Many of my clients find themselves stuck between this and that. This is about now in the present moment. That is about over there somewhere in the future. There are people who at times will just make do until they decide whatever is their most significant “this or that.” They will say something like that they will just have to settle with what is until they can figure it out.

There are many parts to this dilemma. Choice has been abandoned because a person does not want to make a mistake. While feeling stuck a person may decide something in their mind like I will go and find a new job. However, no action is taken, perhaps the person really doesn’t want a new job, and then nothing happens to give their life any type of forward movement. If the choice between this and that does not promote enthusiasm, excitement, curiosity, or generates any kind of interest one might do nothing. Emily Dickinson’s poem simply and succinctly explains why.

That it will never come again
Is what makes life so sweet.
Believing what we don’t believe
Does not exhilarate.

Making do is a situation

“You make do with what you have. As you age you learn even to be happy with what you have.” ─ Haruki Murakami

If you cannot accept and be happy with what you have then the situation is about settling for something that is merely adequate and not that bad because the person is caught in the middle of this or that.  These middle energies can consist of an energetic inaction such as procrastination, sleeping too much, using distractions such as TV watching or playing video games which puts off a needed new option, choice or alternative.

Consider starting and taking the first step right where you are. Everyone has some type of dream that their feminine soul would like to experience and fulfill. Sometimes the masculine spirit is not helpful in manifesting that dream.

She doesn’t settle for less

Than her soul deserves;

she is brave and beautiful,

tender and fierce;

And when she sets her sights

on something, she doesn’t

stop dreaming until it’s true. ─ Mark Anthony